i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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