just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
