Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
