who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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