Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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