Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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