Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want to walk on stilts...naked
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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