I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
