If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
