her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
