i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
