doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Two words: nipple clamps
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