So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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