I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
