So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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