Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we made out on top of his cat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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