she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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