Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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