Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize