Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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