he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i think i just lost a toe
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
