im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
