hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
