He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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