Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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