You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
