You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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