my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
