Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
