Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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