Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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