Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
