Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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