i permit you to call me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
