i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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