shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
