I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want to make out with him forever
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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