i may or may not be watching the land before time
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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