Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
