Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
