She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
