Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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