he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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