Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
