ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
