I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
