i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
