Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
