She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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