You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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