i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As shirtless as possible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
