Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
