So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
