butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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