My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
