the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
