Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
