umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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