Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
