I think I died a long time ago.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
