dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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