i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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