Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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