So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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