I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
