You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
