Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
